Oh dear...

I fear that I have made a mistake, not that I had any other option really.  But I have to say I kind of hate being back in Orem. Sure, it is great to be with my family, it's great to have a job, and UVU is okay...  but I go to school and come home, go to work and come home, do homework, read and go to bed.  I have no friends.

My friends are either married, engaged, on a mission, or they weren't really my friends to begin with.

I went to the singles ward all summer just like last summer and last summer I had loved it.  I had made so many friends and I was excited to be back to hang out every night just like the summer before.  But, all the friends I had made had either left on missions, moved out of the ward, or gotten engaged.  Seriously, I'm not kidding you.  So I tried to hang out with other people....in the end, I just didn't feel welcomed anymore.  I would go to church and sit by myself for three hours.  I would go to activities and just feel alone, I would end up leaving early and driving around crying.  This happened more than it should have.  I got fed up with it and went back to the home ward.

Now, I really don't do anything.  And it makes me miss Cedar so much.  Sure, Cedar is small and there isn't much to do, but I had friends.  Real friends, that would just sit and talk to me, we'd laugh and have a great time no matter what.  Now, I not only have the regret of the things that happened last year that I missed out on for various reasons, but there are so many new things that I am missing.

Jason and Breanna got engaged.  Jason did this whole big cute thing and got all our friends in on it, and I missed it.  I cried a lot that night.

They are planning another Vegas trip (which I missed last year), and I am trying to convince my parents to let me go down, but they aren't budging.  Cried again.

The worst thing though is that even with all the time I spend at school and studying and doing homework, I still bombed my first Physiology test.  And my mom got upset, and I cried.

I know I cried a bit my first semester at SUU, but it hasn't even been a month into my first semester at UVU and I am a baby.  My tear ducts won't shut off.  Everytime I talk or text someone in Cedar I start tearing up.  I hate it.  I can't believe I thought I would never call Cedar home, because right now I feel like that's the only home I have.  And it's so hard not being there.

I miss my friends so bad, but I can't be there.  So I need some new friends pronto, before I start crying every day.  Anyone willing to help out, let me know.

(Katrina Marie)