Just one of those days...

Something is wrong with me.  I don't know what it is...but today has not been a good day because of it.

It was a pretty normal day, I went to class then came home.

But then I got really mad...at the world.  I took it out on my roommates mostly.  I was pretty hostile for pretty much no reason.  I wouldn't sit next to them when we went to the gymnastics meet and then I pissed them off afterwards.  Then I was supposed to go hot tubbing with my friends.  But I was already mad about my roommates and then more people ended up coming and they wanted to buy pizza and all this stuff.  Finally we got to the hot tub and it was closed because they had just cleaned it or something.  Not a happy ending.  I went to my room and ended up crying....sobbing really, uncontrollably.

I still haven't fixed my make up...there is mascara streaked all over my face.  Instead of fixing that I decided to go on a walk and just think things over.  (Usually when I go on a walk, it entails bringing my iPod, going to my favorite spot on campus and belting out angry or sad songs at the top of my lungs.  It helps a lot, you should try it.)  As soon as my door closed though, I realized I had left my key inside, and I hadn't wanted to bring my phone so it was sitting next to my key on my bed.  I stopped in the stairway not knowing what to do.  I was really about to start bawling again because everything was going wrong.  Then a couple of girls that live upstairs came down in footie pajamas, saw that I had been crying, and just started hugging me.

They didn't ask any questions.  They told me they were going to go planking and asked if I wanted to be their photographer.  I said sure because I was going outside anyway and it would probably be better if I weren't alone.  It was just what I needed.  These girls brightened my day and put a lot of things into perspective for me.

But, now I am left with a lot to think about.

Boys...school....my future....my family....my friends....


I still feel like I have more tears that need to get out, but I am done with crying.  I am ready to be me and not care what others think, and if they don't like it they can shove it because I'm not changing.  I know there is someone out there who will fall in love with me exactly for who I am.  I know that school is just a small part of my life and I should enjoy it while I can.  I know that my future is bright and it's in the lord's very capable hands.  I know that my family loves me and cares about me a lot.  I also know that my heavenly father is watching over them for me while I am away from them.

I guess that just leaves friends.  The only thing I am not sure about.  I am struggling to figure out who my real friends are and it's really a struggle.  Sometimes I feel like people only hang out with me until they find someone new.  I feel like I am easily replaceable to a lot of people.  I just don't know how to make myself irreplaceable...


(Katrina Marie)