Over

So here's the thing, boys suck.  No denying it, you all know it's true.  So I am taking a little inspiration from my wonderful friend Cheltz's latest post and using this opportunity to let my feelings out.  You are welcome to read this, but I am almost positive that the person who it's meant for will never see it.

Dear Flo Rida,

I am an idiot.  I knew this would happen, but I let myself come this far.  For years I have put up walls, not wanting anyone to get to close or to know too much about me.  I never open myself up all the way, because I have been hurt too much.  I have spent too many nights crying myself to sleep and I have promised myself I wouldn't shed a tear over a boy again.  I was doing really good too, but then you came into my life and I broke that promise. 

I hate feeling vulnerable, knowing that someone is able to hurt me, but not knowing if they will.  I avoid that feeling for the most part.  I try to be tough, and I am, for the most part, very independent.  For some reason, I let my guard down with you.  I don't know why, but it was a mistake, and I will not be making that mistake again.  I let you in, wanted you to know everything about me, from the fact that I don't wear socks to bed to my thoughts on abortion.  Texting turned into phone calls and I loved being able to hear a smile in your voice.  You were so sweet at times that you made me forget about all my problems, because I had you.

Then again, I never really had you.  I recall one conversation we had where you said that you felt like a dog with an electric shock collar on, because I had such a hold on you, because you kept coming back.  I said it's called love.  What was I thinking?  You didn't love me, and I am still not even sure what love is. 

Things kind of just fell apart, didn't they?  It wasn't really anyone's fault, it just happened.  Probably for the better, but it doesn't really feel that way right now.  I was (am?) so attached.  I am not sure if I was attached to you, or just the thought of you....although they were kind of the same thing in this case. 

In any case, I just wanted to say that I will never forget you and the way you made me feel, the good and the bad.  You have taught me some valuable lessons for which I want to thank you.  But, now I am saying good-bye.  I "love" you enough to want nothing but happiness for you, because you deserve it.

Yours truly,

Katrina Marie